Unbelievably awful man will pay you $1500 for a girlfriend

by Jon Christian

Austin wedding photographer Larry Busby, either a lovelorn loser or an incredibly dedicated troll, will pay you $1,500 if you find him a girlfriend, and an extra $1,000 if they get married. Unfortunately, his 5,000+ word web manifesto makes him sound like the worst person imaginable:

I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl…

I will not date a overweight or fat girl…

To me, tattoos just represent white trash or somone that’s been in prison… The Female human body is the most beautiful work of Art God ever created, to tattoo it with ink is the same as vandalising a famous Monet painting with a can of spray paint…

I like a girl that dresses on the conservative side. Not like a slut, and not anything weird… I love spiked high heels…

I prefer a woman that has never had children, because having kids does ruin a womans body often times. They end up with stretch marks. And also sometimes it makes their vagina looser, and I don’t care how many kegel exercises a woman does, after she has 2 or 3 eight to ten pound babies, you can’t tell me it’s going to be 100% as tight as it ever was! Plus, what’s even worse than all of that, is sometimes during childbirth the lips/vulva of a woman get torn and they never look the same as the did originally even after they heal, that’s why some women even get cosmetic reconstructive surgery to their vulvas after childbirth to try and regain their original appearance…

He tried online dating, he says, but:

I went out on a small handfull of dates due to them. Half of them were women I liked and would have liked to had a long term relationship with, but they never seen me again after the first date or two. The other half I went out with on those sites all had issues

If the misogyny, objectification and utter lack of self awareness are tough sells, he uploaded a photo album, titled “Photos of my Famous Friends,” of him posing with D-grade celebrities in a wizard costume Sgt. Pepper jacket. Other disarming qualities:

I can be accurately described as being both a CEO & a Rockstar all at the same time, both of those perfectly existing in one person, Me…

I believe that 911 was a Inside Job, designed to instill more fear in Americans in which the government can use as a escuse to take away more of our rights and freedoms and push more of their terrible agenda upon us…

I do not believe a woman should have the choice or freedom to kill her baby just because she was a slutty whore and dosen’t want to accept responsibility and raise the baby herself or give it to someone else who will…

I also do not support homosexuality. I think it’s disgusting, and morally wrong. I think it’s the trait of a defective human being…

Now with that said, I am not a mean or hateful person. I am a very easy going, nice, peaceful guy…

He doesn’t like to recycle.

I don’t go out of my way to recycle, I mean I don’t seperate my trash into different trash cans etc, plastic in one and this or that in the other like some people do. I don’t have time for that nonsense. The world will be here for as long as I live, and after I’m gone, whatever happens to this Earth is of no concern to me. I don’t have time for recycling. Let that be someone else’s job to sort out all of that stuff…

People now a days are always wanting everything to be green, like hybrid cars etc. Me, I am planning on getting a 1977 Corvette Stingray soon with a 350 V8 engine that will only get about 10 miles a gallon. How’s that for green??? hahaha!!!!

Fortunately, he tells us multiple times, he’s not racist. Then he lists a bunch of types of black people he doesn’t like (ones who “don’t speak proper English” make the list, startlingly). He continues:

And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together.

I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks.

I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.

He’s also a local celebrity.

I was on the Judge Judy TV show one time.

When I was in WV I once wrote a song about a man that painted a bridge Pink and I made the headlines of the newspaper there for it.

Stevie Ray Vaughan’s brother Jimmie Vaughan once banned me from ever coming into Antones, he refused to play if I was in the audience, I don’t know if the ban is still in place because I always liked Nuno’s club better before it closed, but as you can see I can be quite a colorful & contraversial character at times obvisouly! Hahaha!!!

I am also working towards starting a romantic Bed & Breakfast in South Austin in the future.

Sometimes I think people see me as a very arrogant & egotistical man, I can’t help it if I am more intelligent than most men

I love to celebrate Christmas.

His favorite foods, according to another non sequitor litany, include “Bannanas,” “Tomatos,” “Tobasco Hot Sauce,” “Jalepinos,” and “Olivesm Cucumbers.”